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Why does my boyfriend want to look through my phone

He never found anything because I was being faithful to him. I decided to put a lock on my phone because I felt disrespected, now he's pissed. What do I do now? If you've ever read anything I've written on cheating and snooping, then you know my position: This is ludicrous. Snooping is often done under the guise of getting necessary information. What it really is a lack of trust and a control issue.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Is it Okay to Go Through Your Spouse's Phone?

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: My Boy Friend Goes Through My Camera Roll.. Yikes

15 Relationship Experts Explain Why Snooping Is A Terrible Idea

There are some good answers here and some horrible ones. Which goes a long way to help explain why so many of today's relationships fucking suck and there are so many bitter men and women moping about. Let me offer you a bit of a different perspective.

Another poster stated "don't ask us", which is essentially what I want to convey. What you need to do first and foremost, is take a step back and evaluate your relationship, beginning with you. How long have you been dating? Were either of you the others' first? Who has more relationship experience?

Do either of you even know the others' sexual h Do either of you even know the others' sexual history? Have you two had talks about privacy, expectations and boundaries before? If so, what did he say about it? Do you even remember? Do you even care?

Has there been issues in the past with you speaking to people or wanting to speak to people he isn't comfortable with you speaking with? Is there actually material on your phone that you know he would not be cool with?

Are you a socialite or "social butterfly"? How much time do you spend on your phone when you're with him? Do you angle your screen away from him so he doesn't see your activity? Do you quickly switch screens or go to your home screen when he comes within viewing distance? Ugh, I can go on and on with introspective questions that will give you a deeper understand of your situation that none of us can give you with our vague knowledge of the type of relationship you two have.

All we can offer is our subjective opinions based on our own loves and losses. The questions I presented may seem like they're irrelevant, but if you just float through your relationship looking solely at what your "significant" other is doing and not taking any time for self reflection, then you're not only part of the problem, you're causing the problem.

That being said, the questions presented are there for you to evaluate yourself first, rather than try to decipher the psychological profile of your boyfriend. Intimate relationships are extremely tricky allegiances that are different for everyone, so you can not take another persons relationship advice if they do not have direct knowledge of what's up with yours. The information you acquire from them is just as likely to hurt your relationship as it is to help it.

Take the example of people saying "He's just insecure. Asking to check your shit is wrong and if he can't see that then he has trust issues and doesn't deserve you. None of these people know him. None of these people know you. You and your man could have a deep history of hurt and mistrust that none of us will ever know about. So creating that profile of a man they have no knowledge of is completely asinine.

Let's be real here. In the 21st century, with all this technology, it's easy as hell to be an untrustworthy son of a bitch. So trust shouldn't be expected. Feelings between two people are unavoidable in some cases, but trust shouldn't be expected and demanded just because someone likes you.

That would be like me saying I should automatically go to Heaven solely because I believe in God, even if I don't live by Godly principles.

With that being said, you and your boyfriend need to have a serious heart to heart, because it seems you don't want him looking through your shit. But if he is completely ok with everything being mutual, meaning you can look through his shit at any time as well and you have nothing to hide, why ask a bunch of strangers?

I repeat for point: if he is completely ok with everything being mutual, and you have nothing to hide, why ask a bunch of strangers? There are many uncomfortable things that happen in relationships that you both must work through to overcome in order to become stronger and more comfortable with one another. That's one of the many fine printed things on the "you're cute, lets be closer than friends" contract.

It's not always gonna be bubbles and cotton candy. As I stated, we live in a time where it's so easy to be sneaky that it's practically encouraged. Turn on any "reality" show on network television, it's there. Turn on the radio, good God it's there. Social media? No need to go on. Point is, we have the entire world at our fingertips. And if you want him to be a part of your world and vice versa, let him in. But only if there is mutual agreement. If he just wants to control you, he's an asshole and probably being deceitful himself.

But you won't know that if you're busy asking us questions instead of yourself first, and then him. Lastly, I understand that there may be extremely personal things that you may want to keep to yourself for your own reasons, and if that's the case, don't put that shit on your phone.

Phones get lost. Lost phones get found and jailbroken. There goes your personal info. In the hands of a complete stranger. Not to mention the fact that anything we put into our phones can be easily accessed by government agencies such as the NSA. And you don't want them snooping around your sensitive shit. So, I reiterate: if there's nothing to hide, and you two are in mutual agreement that this goes both ways, figure out the rest on your own.

It is NOT okay for your significant other to check your phone. It is a controlling move, not a loving or affectionate action. If you allow that, his next move will be to start physically controlling you, isolating you, and even using physical violence against you. Tell him that if he is so insecure he feels the need to check up on you that much, he needs to hit the road because you will not tolerate that kind of relationship. You may know that Google is tracking you, but most people don't realize the extent of it.

Luckily, there are simple steps you can take to dramatically reduce Google's tracking. But first, what exactly are they tracking? Unlike searching on DuckDuckGo , when you search on Google, they keep Only, if you are allowed to look through his phone.

It can not be a one way street, where a man may check out, and control his girlfriend, while the girlfriend has no rights. But, if you do not want to have your boyfriend check out your phone, you have the right to refuse.

Do not forget, that it is your phone, not his. You will understand, however, that if you do not allow your boyfriend to check out your phone, he will accuse you of having something to hide.

A relationship without trust, is like a basketball game, without a basketball. If partners do not trust ea If partners do not trust each other, there is no need to check each others phones, to follow each other in the streets, to interrogate friends and colleagues of your partner, to attach a GPS transmitter to your partner's car to keep abreast of his whereabouts.

No need to employ a detective agency, or to put up hidden night vision cameras around the house. Without trust, there is no relationship, and you had better split up, and start a relationship with another partner, based on mutual trust! If he is doing it to check up on you then he has trust issues and he isn't good boyfriend material.

Love means trusting someone and if you can't trust someone then why are you with them? My wife can unlock my phone and she regularly does to look through my Facebook, but only because she finds my FB friends entertaining, not because she is checking on me.

Ya know what? If you're comfortable with what he might find, let him look with the proviso that he only gets to doubt you one time. If you're not comfortable with what he might find without deleting shit! If you are comfortable, be prepared to honestly answer questions he may have about what he finds. If he doesn't like the answers or wants to see it a second time without good reason , he's not the guy for you.

Look: marriage, if that's the ultimate destination of this relationship, depends on If you guys can't find a level place to stand together, stand apart. There are other ingredients, all of them important, but if you can't get the trust part down, move on I've been married and divorced 3 times I know what doesn't work.

I'm on my fourth marriage 15 years! Time will tell if I do or not, but, so far, so good. It's hard to be in a relationship when in the past it's been nothing but lies and being cheated on. Sometimes people need that to prove to them selfs their other isn't a cheater. Honestly you refusing will just make it look like you have sometime to hide. I don't lock my cell or keep it hidden. If my spouse wants to look through my cell just so it'll make her feel better knowing I'm not cheating then she's more then welcome to dig as much as she needs.

So You Found Out Your S.O. Went Through Your Phone

By using our site, you acknowledge that you have read and understand our Cookie Policy , Privacy Policy , and our Terms of Service. Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. It only takes a minute to sign up. My girlfriend and I are years of age.

But unknowingly, this subtle urge to help our partner lead a better life could turn into a dangerous obsession for all the wrong reasons. He may love you a lot, but his urge to dominate your life could end up hurting you forever.

My first anthropomorphic book. What's it about? Football, coming out, college life, cross-dressing I'm not going to lie.

15 Subtle Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend Most Girls Don’t Notice

Jump to navigation. Please note: Entries within this blog may contain references to instances of domestic abuse, dating abuse, sexual assault, abuse or harassment. At all times, Break the Cycle encourages readers to take whatever precautions necessary to protect themselves emotionally and psychologically. The beginning of a new relationship can feel like a breath of fresh air. During this period, you begin building trust and figuring out where the relationship can go in the future. While the ambiguity of a new relationship feels amazing to some people, for others, it can open a sea of insecurities that when left unchecked can become possessive or controlling behaviors. Early signs of dating abuse can be identified through the constant checking of cell phones, social media accounts, text messages, or other online networks without your permission. Without mutual agreements, a relationship can become one-sided. If your partner doesn't want you to look at their phone or check their social media, that's a boundary you need to accept. They have the right to freedom and space in the relationship, even online!

Is it Ever OK To Check Your Partner’s Phone? Marriage Therapists Weigh In.

It's easier said than done, but you want to deal with his trust issues calmly and directly. Saying something like, "Have you ever looked through my phone? If your S. If nothing is actually going on with the person your partner is suspicious of, make that clear. But if you're flirting with another guy , have a heart to heart about what it really means.

There are some good answers here and some horrible ones. Which goes a long way to help explain why so many of today's relationships fucking suck and there are so many bitter men and women moping about.

I trust him completely. When he tells me something, I take his word for it. Looking at his phone, with or without his permission, would feel like I was looking for something shady because I had suspicions.

Guys, why does my boyfriend constantly want to check my phone?

He raises a fair point. We are now so engrossed in our technology that we have two lives: our regular life and our phone life. In our phone life, we are free to say and do whatever we want, sometimes doing what we wouldn't have the confidence to say or do face-to-face or while chatting on the phone. We can be whatever version of ourselves we want to be, and we also can have conversations we otherwise would find difficult.

Many people know snooping on your partner is a terrible, dreadful, horrible, atrocious, no-good, bad idea. This is not news. But, from a psychological standpoint, why is that so? I think we all have within us a gut feeling about snooping — it makes no one feel good, and it can lead to quite abominable situations. And then, of course, it has to be said: If you're going around super suspicious of your partner, that begs the question of why you feel the way you do to begin with.

If You’re Snooping Through Your SO’s Phone, Just Break Up

This guide is packed with advice on how to deal with this situation. Either way, read on for our tips on how to confront your boyfriend in this situation. Just think, would you feel violated if your boyfriend looked through your phone? The answer is most likely yes. Which is why many of us will consider looking through your boyfriends phone to see if you can see any illicit messages or photographs. As you also took the decision to break the trust you both share.

He puts you down when you do something by yourself and makes it look like Does he say your friends are a bad influence or does he think one of your guy.

No I've never gave him a reason to have trust issues he is just an insecure person i guess :. You can't make him trust you Learn the reason for his insecurity and work on that. Whenever im with my boyfriend he constantly wants to check my phone like when i get a text from someone he'll grab my phone type in the password and be like "what should i reply?

It can be really tempting to want to take a peek into your partner's phone. Since our phones have basically become our digital diaries, you can probably learn everything you could possibly want to know about your partner — what they are thinking, where they are going, who they are talking to, and what they are saying — just by spending some quality time snooping through the various apps. But just because you can, that doesn't mean you should. Or do they have have the right to phone privacy?

These days, snooping on your partner is easier than ever. With your S. We asked marriage therapists to tell us what this kind of snooping means for a relationship and how to deal if you or your partner is guilty of it.

However, before we get into the meat of the advice, there is one important fact you need to be aware of. These feelings of distrust will never disappear until you actually know what your boyfriend is doing on his phone.

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